It's mother's day weekend and I've traveled back to my hometown for the weekend to visit my folks and wish my mother a Happy Mother's Day. And ofcourse, this lovely weekend totally conflicts with AV weekend. Super UBER honor I don't get :( See? My mother doesn't realize how much I love her!
So tonight, we went outside to the backyard and sat on bench swing on the porch. She's got an amazing garden full of every delicious herb you can think of...as well as dreamy pink and white flowers everywhere she manages to keep alive somehow in Texas. It's almost as awesome as the eco-dome in Netherstorm.
It was a great night, cool with a slight breeze...kind of like that feeling you get when someone opens up a fridge on a hot day.
Anyhow, she wanted to "talk" to me about my life. I think she's afraid I'm depressed.
"A*, how are you doing?"
"Fine, mom"
"I'm concerned you need to keep yourself busy"
"I do"
"You need to go out. You need to do things"
"Like what? What do you want me to do?"
"I don't want you to waste your life and lose purpose"
"What purpose do you want my life to have, mom?" (this is when I get aggitated)
"You know, at the hospital last month, it was very very sad. One weekend, one doctor came home and his wife had shot herself. Then three days later, yet another doctor had a fight with his wife and left the house. When he came back, she had shot herself. Apparently, he had been having an affair.
The next weekend, another OBGYN, drank antifreeze trying to kill herself. When she woke up in the ICU, she was so pissed off because she hadn't died. Her whole family came to visit her and pick her up. But when she got home, she shot herself.
It was so sad. She was so determined to kill herself"
"Why?" I asked
"Pressure. Stress. She was in the middle of a lawsuit.
I feel so sorry for her family"
"Yeah, that's sad." (she must think I'm suicidal)
"You need people and friends in your life" she advised
"I have lots of people. I socialize with a lot of people."
"Those aren't real people" she kinda scoffs, "You need to get outside"
"Real enough to me. And meaningful. More meaningful than most others"
I then spend another few minutes trying to explain to her what a virtual existence means for me but it's totally lost on her.
You see, none of you guys exist in her eyes. None of my guildmates....they aren't part of my "real" community. The people I talk to or discuss ideas with....those aren't "real meaningful and valid" relationships. Spending time online with your friends doesn't mean anything to her.
How is it that I can sit here and psychoanalyze my meta life and spew out all of my convictions to strangers but I can not get my own parents to comprehend it??
I have always been an engima to them...especially my mom. She thinks I'm weird and kind of mental. "why can't you be normal"
lol. Isn't it funny how the people who love you most are the ones who can make you feel the most lost?