Friday, May 11, 2007

In the Garden

It's mother's day weekend and I've traveled back to my hometown for the weekend to visit my folks and wish my mother a Happy Mother's Day. And ofcourse, this lovely weekend totally conflicts with AV weekend. Super UBER honor I don't get :( See? My mother doesn't realize how much I love her!

So tonight, we went outside to the backyard and sat on bench swing on the porch. She's got an amazing garden full of every delicious herb you can think well as dreamy pink and white flowers everywhere she manages to keep alive somehow in Texas. It's almost as awesome as the eco-dome in Netherstorm.

It was a great night, cool with a slight breeze...kind of like that feeling you get when someone opens up a fridge on a hot day.

Anyhow, she wanted to "talk" to me about my life. I think she's afraid I'm depressed.

"A*, how are you doing?"

"Fine, mom"

"I'm concerned you need to keep yourself busy"

"I do"

"You need to go out. You need to do things"

"Like what? What do you want me to do?"

"I don't want you to waste your life and lose purpose"

"What purpose do you want my life to have, mom?" (this is when I get aggitated)

"You know, at the hospital last month, it was very very sad. One weekend, one doctor came home and his wife had shot herself. Then three days later, yet another doctor had a fight with his wife and left the house. When he came back, she had shot herself. Apparently, he had been having an affair.

The next weekend, another OBGYN, drank antifreeze trying to kill herself. When she woke up in the ICU, she was so pissed off because she hadn't died. Her whole family came to visit her and pick her up. But when she got home, she shot herself.

It was so sad. She was so determined to kill herself"

"Why?" I asked

"Pressure. Stress. She was in the middle of a lawsuit.
I feel so sorry for her family"

"Yeah, that's sad." (she must think I'm suicidal)

"You need people and friends in your life" she advised

"I have lots of people. I socialize with a lot of people."

"Those aren't real people" she kinda scoffs, "You need to get outside"

"Real enough to me. And meaningful. More meaningful than most others"

I then spend another few minutes trying to explain to her what a virtual existence means for me but it's totally lost on her.

You see, none of you guys exist in her eyes. None of my guildmates....they aren't part of my "real" community. The people I talk to or discuss ideas with....those aren't "real meaningful and valid" relationships. Spending time online with your friends doesn't mean anything to her.

How is it that I can sit here and psychoanalyze my meta life and spew out all of my convictions to strangers but I can not get my own parents to comprehend it??

I have always been an engima to them...especially my mom. She thinks I'm weird and kind of mental. "why can't you be normal"

lol. Isn't it funny how the people who love you most are the ones who can make you feel the most lost?


Maclort said...

I'm also going home today to see my mum. It's her birthday. I often get a similar conversation, but I don't try to explain it. I'm embarassed to admit to my family that most of my friends are online.
My brother and sister refer to WoW as 'that game'

But gotta say I don't get it that bad. Probably because when I'm home I socialise a lot more than I would here. Possibly because I feel that 'my family is watching' or something stupid, but i think it's because all my old friends are there :)
And wow are suicide rates there that high? Or was that just an extreme example.

Anonymous said...

"...the people who love you most are the ones who can make you feel the most lost" - amen to that

Starman said...

I completely understand your point, but I still feel that going out with people in-person is better than anything else. It would be nice to have a commune of WoW players you can just live with, that would be the best of both worlds, wouldn't it?

But who would sign the lease? :D

Alachia said...

I think it's a personal thing.
For me, meeting with people in RL is interesting and fun but somewhat a strain.

It's nice to be connected physically to someone but what always happens is that so many social filters get layered on thick. And then I become far less myself.

It's ...exhausting.

And even with those I'm very comfortable with, there is no way I'd stay connected with them at ease for like 5-8 hours straight.

Maybe that's why I'm such a recluse.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

That entire conversation seemed like a exerpt from "The Fountainhead" to me. Just saying, you reminded me of Dominique a little bit.

Alachia said...

okay. now I definitely have to read that book. :D

Unknown said...

I don't remember where I got this idea. But I think I remember that you're involved in Architecture. I might be completely wrong but I got it from somewhere. Anyways the book is about an Architect, and it's really well researched. Check it out. "The Fountainhead" - Ayn Rand.

PS Everyone told me not to read this book because it was by Ayn Rand. That made me want to read it all the more.

matagin said...

I think a lot of people like us go through those conversations with our parents at some point in our lives. You have to be independent and not let what your mom says get to you. She just cares about you and loves you and wants the best for you. You live in a different world than a lot of people. I would love to just spend all day in WoW but I have to get out and be around physical human beings and socialize somewhat. I socialize with people at work (one guy plays WoW but I still socialize with all of them anyway). My wife doesn't understand WoW and that can be hard at times. Since I was a young teenager and I bought my first computer, I spent many hours in my room learning and exploring the world of computers and the metaverse (at that time AOL, BBSes, and MUDs!). I have heard the same thing "get outside more", "make more real friends", etc. I have many real life friends at the church that I've attended for the past 7 years but none of them play WoW or are into computers much so there isn't much to talk about when I am with them. It's tough but we have to accept ourselves for who we are. We are the intellectuals and dreamers. We are the ones who innovate. I am a professional IT systems administrator and I wouldn't be that today if it wasn't for all the hours spent alone in my room learning and studying computers and technology. I am guessing you are in your 20s. I just turned 30 and I can tell you that "finding yourself" is tough during your 20s. I am now moving into having a family soon and hoping that the change won't make me feel old. So I guess I am still "finding myself." Long live the metaverse and the people we meet in it and the friendships we have! Take care.

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